Echolalia
by Azarr
Summary: L, Light, and Rem. It's only humour if you have my sense of humour.
1. I

**Disclaimer**: Not mine.

**Rating**: K+? Eh.

**Warnings**: L, Higuchi, Rem, and Light. Sort of.

-----

_Echolalia_

By Azar-Apocalypse

---

L thinks that these types of stories should start with a date, but he's not sure what day it is when he wakes up after falling asleep at his desk for the second time in as many days and sleepily realises that the bells are dull for the rain pounding against the roof.

Huh.

It might be a Monday. He likes Mondays, so he'll say it is one, even though time blurs when the only thing he does all day is read and read and read.

He wishes the bells were louder. He likes listening to them. They are nostalgia personified and L feels a strange sort of sadness sweep through him.

The mini-fridge under his desk is stocked to the brim with desserts. He is reaching for a strawberry tart - his favourite - when it occurs to him that he is in Tokyo, Japan, not Winchester, England and his hand freezes in place for a second.

_Huh_.

He's not very hungry, after all...

With an awkward shrug, he somehow manages to pull himself out from beneath his desk and scratch his suddenly churning stomach.

"Rem-san," he calls out, "I'd like to speak to you about the notebook, if you please."

He has been doing this every day for the past week. He sincerely doubts that Rem will be able to give him any more answers.

She- _Is_ Rem a she? He's honestly not sure that reapers have reproductive organs or even genders...

_It_ drifts into the room through the wall; unabashedly stares at his ruffled appearance; and replies, "What did you want-"

L curiously interjects, "Are you a female?"

Rem blinks.

L also blinks.

Rem blinks again.

L contemplates his strawberry tart.

"Gender is a human concept," Rem says after a moment. "It has no relevance to Shinigami - we don't reproduce in the same way that you humans do."

L is glad that he isn't a reaper.

A pause, and then: "However, if you were to apply human standards to Shinigami... I suppose you could call me a female."

"I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable, Rem-san."

"It wouldn't. What did you want to ask?"

He likes Rem. She is intelligent and cunning. He wonders whether, if the circumstances were different, they could have been companions...

"A page in the notebook is torn. A piece is missing from it," he answers, deciding that he is hungry after all. "Would it be possible for this piece to be used in the same fashion as the rest of the notebook?" He procures a bag of panda-shaped cookies from the fridge and eagerly opens it.

Rem eyes his biscuits with distaste. "I don't know. I've never heard of a notebook being used like that, but I don't see any reason as to why it wouldn't work..." she responds dully, as if he didn't already know that.

L looks up from his desk and-

"Ryuuzaki," Light says, but L barely hears it for the _rush_ that is suddenly flooding his ears.

"Light-kun," L returns thickly. The saliva in his mouth is suddenly sticky-sweet - not in the good way, like his strawberry tart, but rather in the bad way, where he can't breathe or swallow around it.

Light silently glances between L and the reaper.

L's heart secretly sinks when he says, "You know, Light-kun, when I said you were free to leave, I meant it." The crumbs on his chin are making him feel unclean and strangely self-conscious.

"Are you saying you don't want me around here, Ryuuzaki?"

Rem is curiously watching the exchange as if she has never seen anything more fascinating in her life - which L estimates has probably lasted at least one hundred years.

"No," he mumbles, half-hoping that Light doesn't hear.

_Pleasestayjuststaypleasepleasepleaseiwantyoutostay_

Light leaves.

The dark, empty pit in the bottom of L's gut gurgles unpleasantly. The panda cookies are suddenly much less appetising than before.

Rem doesn't bother with tact when she comments, "I thought humans were geared to feel attracted to those they could reproduce with."

A panda goes flying toward her head. Unsurprisingly, it clatters to the ground some five feet past her.

Rem does not look affronted, as a human would, but she seems to realise that the gesture is supposed to be offensive; she haughtily remarks "Humans are so simple" as she drifts away, through the floor.

L doesn't realise that he is shaking until more of his cookies meet the floor. He manages to avoid standing on all of them when he stands up and slouches away.

He should probably say goodbye to Watari.

-----

Hm. I don't expect anyone to actually understand this. I haven't slept in a few days, so... ^^;;;

I'm not sure if I should continue this. I want to and I know where I'd go with it, but it ended well on this note...


	2. II

**Disclaimer**: Not mine.

**Rating**: T? Eh.

**Warnings**: L, Higuchi, Rem, and Light. Sort of.

-----

_Echolalia_

By Azar-Apocalypse

---

"Ryuuzaki?"

Watari - or should L give up on the pretence of anonymity, give the current climate, and just call the man Mr. Wammy? - is getting very old. His face is lined with wrinkles and spots that are a weird, unpleasant sort of reminder of L's mortality.

"Ryuuzaki? What is it?"

L licks his dry lips and distantly realises that his face is still covered in crumbs. He brushes them away; his hand is still shaking.

"What's wrong?"

L's tongue seizes up.

It's a simple thing to say.

Four words.

But...

He wishes Rem was here with him - he's sure that he could say it with that kind of pressure bearing down on him.

"Light," _thatlittlebastardihatehim_fuck, "has managed to convince Rem that if we continue to live, Misa will be in danger."

Watari - Quillsh, Mr. Wammy, Old Man; does it really matter? - nods and says, "Yes, I thought he might have."

L awkwardly curls his toes on the cold, tiled floor. "Your... observance is appreciated," he mumbles.

Again, Watari nods.

And then it's quiet.

L licks his lips once more and notes that the saliva congealing in his mouth is making it very hard to swallow.

_I'm going to die._

"Well," Watari finally says, "I suppose... I suppose there's nothing I can do."

L almost expects a sappy speech about morality and honour, before he realises that Watari is really much too proud to spout anything so ridiculous.

"...This was going to be my last case working with you, regardless."

At this, L finds it hard not to look up from the floor.

"I'm getting old. I'm sure you've noticed." Watari laughs as if any of this is even remotely amusing and L decides that it's high time he gave the old man something to laugh about.

"I like him." L attempts to laugh but the sound dies somewhere in his throat.

Watari doesn't even try. "I know."

A heavy feeling settles in L's gut. "No - I mean I _really like him_." Saying it does not bring the sort of catharsis that all of Misa's favourite 'novels' promised it would.

"I know," Watari repeats, sounding vaguely morose and faintly dismayed. "I have for some time."

"Oh."

One of the screens in front of Watari flickers at a particularly loud roll of thunder and L notes that Light is having a somewhat animated conversation with Rem.

"I have to go," he says quietly. He doesn't wait for Watari to reply and he doesn't look back.

The rain will probably help clear his head; and if not, the bells will be clearer from the roof, anyway.

-----

You all know what comes next.


	3. III

**Disclaimer**: Not mine.

**Rating**: K+? Eh.

**Warnings**: L, Higuchi, Rem, and Light. Sort of.

-----

_Echolalia_

By Azar-Apocalypse

---

The hallways are empty as L strolls down them, until a reaper appears in front of him and comments, "It won't work."

He doesn't start like any other - _normal_ - person would have; he walks straight through her and asks "What won't work?" as if it matters to him, at this stage.

Really, he'd just like to be rid of her cryptic words. He hopes she won't follow him to the roof unless she intends to provide him with answers.

Instead of hovering over his head like a ghost, she floats beside, half of her torso disappearing into the floor so that they are eye-to-eye.

Like equals.

"L Lawliet."

She-

He hasn't heard that name in so long-

"What does it mean?"

It just- It sounds _wrong_. It's not anything in her pronunciation - it's the name itself.

Strange.

Uncomfortable.

"That's- It's my name," L stutters after a short while, feeling lost.

It's a weird name, he considers with a strange sense of distance that he supposes comes from being known as a letter for over a decade.

The somethinglikeabrow on Rem's somethinglikeaface creases. "I've only just been able to read it. It was unclear, before," she confesses.

He realises that this is probably supposed to mean something to him, so he asks, "Why?"

"It was unclear," Rem repeats, sounding as confused as is possible in her monotonous drawl.

He nods and slowly asks, "Yes, I know that, but _why_?" He's glad that she doesn't fully understand social rites and etiquette.

Rem stops, clearly expecting him to follow suit.

He does.

"The letters are changing," she says rather more cryptically than before. "L Lawliet. Deneuve. Eraldo Coil. Ryuuzaki. Ryuuga Hideki."

Frustration rushes inside him like a strong wave. He clenches his fists and repeats impatiently, "Yes, but _why_?" He wonders if it's possible for a reaper's eye-sight to deteriorate.

Rem's face doesn't reveal any expression at all. "They are all your names," she answers.

With a roll of his eyes, he tells her, "It's very nice of you to think so, Rem-san, but only one of them is _mine_. The rest are _aliases_."

She insistently shakes her head. "If you're the smartest man alive, I pity the rest of your race," she says with the faintest trace of disgust in her voice. She rises toward the ceiling like helium; he has to crane his neck to look at her. "A human can only have one name. You have five."

He wishes he had more panda cookies. "Are you saying I'm not a human?"

As long as Light doesn't have any kryptonite, L thinks that this arrangement could just work.

"No-" She sighs (L's not sure how, since she doesn't breathe - to his knowledge, at least) and tries again, "You are human. Humans are allowed to have one name."

"But I have five," L points out, feeling somewhat smug and sort of disappointed.

She nods. "You might think so and I might be able to see it," she says, gesturing toward something above his head, "but only because it's another human concept. To the Death Note, having five names is the same as having none."

He takes a moment to absorb this.

"So- So it can't kill me?" he asks quietly, honestly scared by an idea for perhaps only the third time in his life.

"I could write all five names, but none of them would work."

"...Because you've already tried them all," he concludes faintly.

This can't be right. She must have made a mistake, somehow. She _must_ have.

She begins to float away without him. The thought that he has just as much luck with a reaper as he does with any other female somehow brings a wry smile to his face, even through the numb dizziness and cold _ohGodno_ in his chest.

"There's no need to kill Watari," he manages to say, shuffling after her.

He has no real hope in that argument; he is not disappointed when she replies, "As long as he's working with you, detective, Misa is in danger. I can't rid her of you."

_And Watari won't leave._

The air inside is stifling and L's lungs are suddenly empty.

He can't die - not from the Death Note, at least.

But Watari can.

Hecan'tdiehecan'tdiehecan'tdie.

L wrenches open the door to the roof and draws in shuddering gulps of fresh, wet air; walks out into the rain, and flinches when it soaks through his hair and slides down the back of his neck; stares out at the city below him.

Thousands of umbrellas wander Tokyo like an odd parade of plastic mushrooms.

Rem floats above it all, beside L on the rail as he heaves and gasps over it.

"W-Why are you telling me this?" he stammers around the bile rising in his throat.

His numb fingers clamber at the rail. He almost dares himself to throw himself from it and see what would happen.

Rem spares him a dispassionate glance, then resumes watching the city move. "Misa's safety is all that matters."

He blinks uncomprehendingly-

But then time seems to stand still and everything falls into place.

Amane Misa is the second Kira.

Rem is protecting her from- from-

"I was right," L whispers to himself, staring almost fearfully at Rem. Calculations and deductions and clauses are flooding his mind at a rate so alarming that he can't focus on any of them. "I-"

_Misa is the second Kira which means that Light is the first Kira which means that I was right which means that he's going to gaol which means that Misa is going with him which means that Rem has to protect her because Rem-_

Because Rem-

"He knows," Rem says dully. "He's counting on it." She turns to face him- and suddenly drops below the rail; plummets down into the city until he can't see her.

Curious, he glances over his shoulder.

"What are you doing out here, Ryuuzaki?"

-----

Okay, so I lied. It wasn't in this chapter xD It'll be in the next one, I swear.

I wonder if anyone actually understands any of this.


	4. IV

**Disclaimer**: Not mine.

**Rating**: T

**Warnings**: L, Higuchi, Rem, and Light. Sort of.

-----

_Echolalia_

By Azar-Apocalypse

---

"_What are you doing out here, Ryuuzaki?"_

Speak of the devil and he doth appear.

L wonders if Light is willing to fare the weather; then, he wonders how in the world Light will possibly cope when he is imprisoned.

Slowly, he smiles and raises a hand to his ear.

This boy can't kill him. With brute force, perhaps, but Light is far too refined for any of that.

Light impatiently rolls his eyes and cups his hands to his mouth when he repeats, "What are you doing out here, Ryuuzaki?"

_L is invincible._

Again, L smiles and insistently points toward his ear. He doesn't try to look apologetic when Light narrows his eyes because, really, this is the most fun L has had in a long time.

_And the most fun you'll have for another while..._ a nasty voice in the back of L's mind whispers.

The smile abruptly fades as Light steps out from under the overhanging roof.

"What are you doing out here, Ryuuzaki?" Light asks once more, a fraction of his annoyance leaking into his tone. The rain has soaked through his shirt and left it transparent; it clings to his skin.

Somehow, L manages to tear his eyes away from Light's chest and mumble, "Ah... It's nothing worth mentioning..."

He is mysterious, like an enigma - intentionally ambiguous. This is a fun game.

Abruptly, L realises that he can taste something cloying. A strange feeling settles in his gut and he distantly recognises that he really doesn't- He _said_ that it's what he wanted, but- There will never be another opportunity like this; an opportunity to find an equal or- or even-

There is a long silence. L searches for Rem in the city below, though he knows that he won't find her, just to avoid looking at Light's face.

He feels like a maggot, recoiling from something like the sun.

"The sound of bells..."

And if he's going to be honest, that's how it always has been.

(And probably always will be...)

Light quirks a brow - L thinks that he does, anyway, because he still can't see Light's face. "Bells?" he echoes disbelievingly, leaning against the rail beside L.

L gazes at Light's face in search of something. Light looks just as handsome as usual, but what L strongly suspects is moisturiser has turned weird and oily in the water. He would like to wipe it away but the thought of that stuff on his fingers- and the thought of his fingers at Light's face...

"Yes," L breathes, faintly amused. "The bells sound incredibly noisy today." And he is incredibly taken with the thought that though his shirt is covered in crumbs, Light has yet to so much as wrinkle his delicate nose in distaste.

Light blankly looks around and says, "I don't hear anything."

Stupid child.

L contemplates the strawberry tart that he left in the fridge. He's not very hungry but he wouldn't mind sharing it with Light - especially since it will be one of Light's last meals as a free man.

"Oh, really? They've been ringing incessantly today. I can't stop thinking about it," L says to fill the silence. "Maybe there's a wedding at a church, or maybe..."

"What are you talking about, Ryuuzaki?" Light sounds supremely unimpressed.

That's a good question. Weddings and churches? What _is_ he talking about?

"Stop talking nonsense. Let's go inside," Light suggests, though he doesn't move.

It's nice to know that Light also considers marriage nonsense. L would have liked to have debated their views on religion at greater lengths, but gaols make him uncomfortable and there's no chance that Light will be going anywhere else.

Light pointedly clears his throat and L mutters, "Sorry. Everything I say is made up on the spot, so please don't believe a word of it."

Eloquent as always, Light replies with a "Huh?" that makes it hard for L not to laugh.

Strawberry tart would be nice, L decides. Watari could-

_Watari_.

Something burns behind L's eyes.

With a sudden laugh, Light says, "You're right, Ryuuzaki. The majority of what you say isn't true."

L clenches his fists and tries to ignore the ringing in his ears.

Watari. Watariwatariwata-

"If I took it all seriously, there'd be no end to it. I know that better than anyone else."

L draws in a sharp breath and holds it.

It's... not the only thing Light knows better than anyone else.

L sighs. "That's true, Light-kun, but... the same applies to you."

The game isn't nearly as fun anymore. L needs to go back inside and see Watari and just- just talk or just sit or just _be there_.

"What do you mean?" Light asks suspiciously.

L inwardly berates himself for his lapse in judgement. Of course, Light would never even consider being honest around L.

And now he is suspicious.

Which will only make him act faster.

The gears in L's mind freeze.

Stall.

Stallstall_stall_!

"Have you ever uttered a single completely true thing since you were born?"

Shit-

He didn't mean-

But maybe... as long as Light thinks L is going to die... maybe they could-

L is disgusted with that tiny sliver of hope.

It could just be the rain, but he could swear that Light's voice wavers for a moment when he finally replies, "What are you talking about, Ryuuzaki? Certainly I lie every now and then, but surely no one can be truthful throughout their entire life."

L is being blessed with another monologue. _Wonderful_. He could be doing something far more worthwhile, like talking to Watari or spending time with Watari or comforting Watari or-

"People aren't that perfect. Everyone lies. Even so, I've made a point of not telling lies that will hurt others. That's my answer."

What a load of bull.

But... L doesn't have the strength to pull himself away.

Disappointed and ashamed, L quietly replies, "I thought you'd say that."

Light's shirt is almost completely see-through, now. L has seen Light's nakedness countless times, but that doesn't make him any less embarrassed to stare.

"Let's go back inside," he suggests awkwardly. "We're both soaked."

Light glances down at himself; his face flushes. "Yeah," he replies angrily, pushing himself away from the rail to stalk away.

L looks out at the city once more, and is entirely unsurprised when Rem drifts up to meet his eyes. She gazes (perhaps forlornly, if her face was capable of more expression) at a large billboard that is displaying an advertisement for Misa's latest dorama.

"She's beautiful," L murmurs because he knows that she can't. He wonders if he could ever say this to Misa's face and decides that it probably doesn't matter.

Rem stares at him for a long moment. "Protect her from him."

A hard lump rises in L's throat. He finds that he can't answer.

"When the time comes, detective..." Rem says harshly, when it is painfully clear that his jaw has locked in place, "you know what he'll do - what he's trying to do right now."

"...Yes."

Rem nods and watches Light over L's shoulder. "She's not nearly as intelligent as either of you. _Keep her safe_."

Though he can't answer definitely, as he stares at Light's retreating back, L decides that no matter what the cost, he will have Kira imprisoned for life.

"Goodbye, Rem-san."

"Goodbye, detective."

L walks away, thinking that goodbyes should be far more dramatic and heartfelt than this, then realising that he just said goodbye to a god on a rainy rooftop after speaking about beautiful women and trust.

He does not look back.

-----

There. I swear to God, this shit couldn't get any gayer.

Not up to any kind of standard. There are many reasons for that - the main one being that I've been in hospital for the past few days. Pretty intense.


End file.
